Just a quick early recap! We have already hit our Lock of the Week and the Trifecta is still in effect (need Houston -3 tonight). Also, we bet a slightly different three-team parlay on ProLine, but hit that also, so up $15 in total after Week One!
Straight Up: 11-3
Against The Spread: 8-5-1
Monday, September 9, 2013
Sunday, September 8, 2013
The Hoser On The NFL 2013, Week One
Welcome to Week One of the 2013 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where we're not as good-looking as Tim Tebow, but we're just as accurate.
The format will stay as it has been for the past two seasons – each game is $100 ATS, with a $100 Trifecta and a $300 Lock of the Week for an even $2K per week. When the bye weeks begin, we’ll jump the Lock to $500 to keep the number even. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line each week, because tradition, that's why.
For those of you who are just finding us, the first thing to know is this -- we're not to be taken seriously. We're still tallying our record from last year, but it certainly isn't good enough to use to make actual bets.
All of that leads us to this final sentence, a version of which you’ll see every week: remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as stepping between a couple Alabama high-school football coaches. FOOOOBAWWWWW!
New England (-10½) at BUFFALO (49): With E.J. Manuel's return, it saves Buffalo from having to start a Tuel at quarterback. The Steelers will still do it, though. Patriots 33, Bills 17.
Tennessee (+7) at PITTSBURGH (42.5): There hasn't been this much prayer for a renewed Johnson since Jimmy Swaggart went soft in that hotel room. Steelers 24, Titans 14.
Atlanta (-3) at NEW ORLEANS (53.5): Unlike "OneD in 3D," this game should feature no D. Saints 27, Falcons 24.
Tampa Bay (-3) at NEW YORK JETS (40): Everyone's freaking out about New York's quarterback situation, but are the Bucs really any better off? Buccaneers 22, Jets 17.
Kansas City (-3.5) at JACKSONVILLE (41): Blaine Gabbert is healthy. 'Nuff said. Chiefs 24, Jaguars 16.
Oakland (+8.5) at INDIANAPOLIS (47): Signing Matt Flynn should come with a side order of Jennifer Lopez, because he is ... The Back-Up Plan. Colts 26, Raiders 23.
Minnesota (+4.5) at DETROIT (46.5): Adrian Peterson is predicting a 2,500-yard season, or about double what Christian Ponder will produce. Lions 30, Vikings 17.
Arizona (+4.5) at ST. LOUIS RAMS (41): Former STL vs. current The Loo. Prediction? Someone gets shot. Rams 27, Cardinals 20.
Houston (-3) at SAN DIEGO (44): We honestly have no idea how to pick now that Norv's gone. It was so easy to pencil in, "Lose stupidly late in the game" before. Texans 30, Chargers 16.
Green Bay (+4.5) at SAN FRANCISCO (49): Game of the week -- unless you're a Packers fan. 49ers 33, Packers 20.
New York Giants (+3) at DALLAS (48.5): An easy prediction -- at at least three times during this game, Tom Coughlin will appear to be passing Eli Manning through his colon. Cowboys 23, Giants 19.
Philadelphia (+3.5) at WASHINGTON (50.5): Still clinging to it, eh, racists? Racists 29, Eagles 19.
Cincinnati (+3) at CHICAGO (41.5): Somewhere Brian Urlacher is sitting in a Snuggie and crying. Bears 21, Bengals 19.
Miami (+1) at CLEVELAND (41): The Browns look to be improved this season. The Dolphins look to be ... the Dolphins. Browns 24, Dolphins 20.
Seattle (-3) at CAROLINA (45.5): Meh. Seahawks 29, Panthers 17.
Lock of the Week: Detroit
Trifecta: Oakland, Detroit, Houston
The format will stay as it has been for the past two seasons – each game is $100 ATS, with a $100 Trifecta and a $300 Lock of the Week for an even $2K per week. When the bye weeks begin, we’ll jump the Lock to $500 to keep the number even. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line each week, because tradition, that's why.
For those of you who are just finding us, the first thing to know is this -- we're not to be taken seriously. We're still tallying our record from last year, but it certainly isn't good enough to use to make actual bets.
All of that leads us to this final sentence, a version of which you’ll see every week: remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as stepping between a couple Alabama high-school football coaches. FOOOOBAWWWWW!
New England (-10½) at BUFFALO (49): With E.J. Manuel's return, it saves Buffalo from having to start a Tuel at quarterback. The Steelers will still do it, though. Patriots 33, Bills 17.
Tennessee (+7) at PITTSBURGH (42.5): There hasn't been this much prayer for a renewed Johnson since Jimmy Swaggart went soft in that hotel room. Steelers 24, Titans 14.
Atlanta (-3) at NEW ORLEANS (53.5): Unlike "OneD in 3D," this game should feature no D. Saints 27, Falcons 24.
Tampa Bay (-3) at NEW YORK JETS (40): Everyone's freaking out about New York's quarterback situation, but are the Bucs really any better off? Buccaneers 22, Jets 17.
Kansas City (-3.5) at JACKSONVILLE (41): Blaine Gabbert is healthy. 'Nuff said. Chiefs 24, Jaguars 16.
Oakland (+8.5) at INDIANAPOLIS (47): Signing Matt Flynn should come with a side order of Jennifer Lopez, because he is ... The Back-Up Plan. Colts 26, Raiders 23.
Minnesota (+4.5) at DETROIT (46.5): Adrian Peterson is predicting a 2,500-yard season, or about double what Christian Ponder will produce. Lions 30, Vikings 17.
Arizona (+4.5) at ST. LOUIS RAMS (41): Former STL vs. current The Loo. Prediction? Someone gets shot. Rams 27, Cardinals 20.
Houston (-3) at SAN DIEGO (44): We honestly have no idea how to pick now that Norv's gone. It was so easy to pencil in, "Lose stupidly late in the game" before. Texans 30, Chargers 16.
Green Bay (+4.5) at SAN FRANCISCO (49): Game of the week -- unless you're a Packers fan. 49ers 33, Packers 20.
New York Giants (+3) at DALLAS (48.5): An easy prediction -- at at least three times during this game, Tom Coughlin will appear to be passing Eli Manning through his colon. Cowboys 23, Giants 19.
Philadelphia (+3.5) at WASHINGTON (50.5): Still clinging to it, eh, racists? Racists 29, Eagles 19.
Cincinnati (+3) at CHICAGO (41.5): Somewhere Brian Urlacher is sitting in a Snuggie and crying. Bears 21, Bengals 19.
Miami (+1) at CLEVELAND (41): The Browns look to be improved this season. The Dolphins look to be ... the Dolphins. Browns 24, Dolphins 20.
Seattle (-3) at CAROLINA (45.5): Meh. Seahawks 29, Panthers 17.
Lock of the Week: Detroit
Trifecta: Oakland, Detroit, Houston
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
The Hoser On The NFL 2013, Week One, Thursday Edition
Welcome in!
We're back for what we believe is our sixth season of some of the most half-assed, uneducated and completely untrustworthy National Football League predictions on the web.
Don't take us seriously, people -- we sure don't.
The format for the season will be explained fully in the full Week One edition, but here's how the columns will be released this year:
Wednesday night/Thursday morning: Thursday night game (if applicable)
Thursday night/Friday morning: Sunday & Monday games (also posted as always with our friends at SportsFilter
Over the weekend: Any news we think worth passing along, or line moves worth taking advantage of
For now, here's the Thursday night season opener. Enjoy the season!
Baltimore (+9) at DENVER (48): Retired Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis said this week the blackout at last year's Super Bowl was intentional because the Ravens had a big lead. It's a good thing the lights came back on, or everyone in the building could have wound up mysteriously stabbed (in a manner that absolutely nothing to do with Ray Lewis, of course -- just his friends). Broncos 24, Ravens 23.
Don't take us seriously, people -- we sure don't.
The format for the season will be explained fully in the full Week One edition, but here's how the columns will be released this year:
Wednesday night/Thursday morning: Thursday night game (if applicable)
Thursday night/Friday morning: Sunday & Monday games (also posted as always with our friends at SportsFilter
Over the weekend: Any news we think worth passing along, or line moves worth taking advantage of
For now, here's the Thursday night season opener. Enjoy the season!
Baltimore (+9) at DENVER (48): Retired Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis said this week the blackout at last year's Super Bowl was intentional because the Ravens had a big lead. It's a good thing the lights came back on, or everyone in the building could have wound up mysteriously stabbed (in a manner that absolutely nothing to do with Ray Lewis, of course -- just his friends). Broncos 24, Ravens 23.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Sunday, January 20, 2013
The Hoser's NFL PIcks 2012, Postseason Week 3
San Francisco (-4) at ATLANTA (47.5): 49ers 30, Falcons 23.
Baltimore (+8) at NEW ENGLAND (50): Patriots 31, Ravens 21.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
The Hoser's NFL Picks, Week Two Postseason 2012
Baltimore (+9) at DENVER (43.5): Here's a tip - don't accept any limo rides after the game from Ray Lewis. Broncos 26, Ravens 23.
Green Bay (+3) at SAN FRANCISCO (45): Toughest game to call this weekend. A young QB vs. an old hand, but Green Bay's running game just scares the crap out of me. 49ers 23, Packers 21.
Seattle (+2.5) at ATLANTA (46): The Seahawks are signing guys who haven't played in the NFL for five years and I STILL think they're about pick 'em. Plus, the Falcons are choke artists of Little Oral Annie magnitude. Falcons 26, Seahawks 20.
Houston (+9.5) at NEW ENGLAND (48.5): A beating, but not THAT bad a beating. You finish like you finished, right? Patriots 30, Texans 21.
Lock of the Week: Baltimore
Lock of the Week: Baltimore
Saturday, January 5, 2013
The Hoser's NFL Postseason Picks, Week 1 2013
Cincinnati (+4) at HOUSTON (43): The Texans will remember the Alamo -- and how to play decent football. Texans 24, Bengals 17.
Minnesota (+7.5) at GREEN BAY (45.5): Adrian Peterson makes this less than a touchdown spread, but the Packers won't be bounced out this early. Packers 26, Vikings 23.
Indianapolis (+7) at BALTIMORE (47): Here's your headline in advance, Darren Rovell: OUT OF LUCK. Ravens 23, Colts 17.
Seattle (-3) at WASHINGTON (45.5): RGIII doesn't look quite the same, and the Seahawks are too good right now to lose to a weakened Washington squad. Seahawks 29, Racists 20.
Lock of the Week: Houston
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