Welcome
to Week Four of the Hoser's NFL Picks, 2011 Edition, where we know the
NFL is king, but it's pretty tough to top baseball this week.
Wednesday's wild finish kept The Hoser and staff glued to the TV, and nothing makes us happier than watching the Red Sox choke like someone stuffed a baker's dozen of Dunkin' Donuts down their collective throat. Also -- Dan Johnson in the ninth for the Rays? Really? Creed was more likely to have a hit.
The Hoser finished up 11-5 straight up and a pretty weak 9-7 against the spread, but we hit the Lock of the Week (New Orleans) for the third time to start the season and, of course, the Lions cost us the Trifecta. We still turned a small profit for the week (and the third week straight to start the year).
Remember: these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as firing Terry Francona when clearly your GM is an overspending idiot.
Wednesday's wild finish kept The Hoser and staff glued to the TV, and nothing makes us happier than watching the Red Sox choke like someone stuffed a baker's dozen of Dunkin' Donuts down their collective throat. Also -- Dan Johnson in the ninth for the Rays? Really? Creed was more likely to have a hit.
The Hoser finished up 11-5 straight up and a pretty weak 9-7 against the spread, but we hit the Lock of the Week (New Orleans) for the third time to start the season and, of course, the Lions cost us the Trifecta. We still turned a small profit for the week (and the third week straight to start the year).
Remember: these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as firing Terry Francona when clearly your GM is an overspending idiot.
Detroit
(+2) at DALLAS (-46.5): The Hoser's new son, Harry, had a pneumothorax
at birth, just like Tony Romo. He's also now dating Jessica Simpson.
Lions 29, Cowboys 22.
New Orleans (-7) at JACKSONVILLE (45):
Admiral Akbar alert! It's a trap! The Jaguars are in the top 5 in many
defensive categories, so they should be able to hold the scoring down.
That makes the TD spread one to avoid. Saints 24, Jaguars 19.
San Francisco (+9) at PHILADELPHIA (44): The
Eagles checked with NFL commissioner Roger Goddell, and he confirmed --
in the case of the Kevin Kolb trade, no backsies. Eagles 23, 49ers 17.
Washington (-2) at ST. LOUIS RAMS
(43.5): Another game that seems too close. What's the big home-field
advantage for the Rams -- opposing teams' fear of The Arch falling on
them? Racists 24, Rams 17.
Tennessee (+1) at CLEVELAND (38.5): The Hoser
has nothing interesting to say about this game, and neither should
anyone else. Browns 20, Titans 17.
Buffalo (-3) at CINCINNATI (44): Bills
QB Ryan Fitzpatrick and many of the Bengals hang out in yards.
Fitzpatrick's was at Harvard, Cincy's are in prisons. Bills 29, Bengals
17.
Minnesota (-2) at KANSAS CITY (39.5):
The Chiefs have a point differential this year of -82, which
coincidentally is also The Hoser's credit rating. Vikings 23, Chiefs 20.
Carolina (+6.5) at CHICAGO (42): The Bears
have warned all fans not to bring pets to Soldier Field, as their ears
could be harmed by the high-pitched sound of Jay Cutler's whining. Bears
26, Panthers 19.
Pittsburgh (+3.5) at HOUSTON (45): The Texans
put up a heck of a fight last week, but expect the Steelers to win this
one outright. Steelers 24, Texans 20.
Atlanta (-4) at SEATTLE (38.5): The
Seahawks are just the medicine the Falcons need to get better. Surgeon
General's Warning: Has no effect on Arizona. Falcons 27, Seahawks 17.
New York Giants (-1) at ARIZONA (44.5):
So, NY beats the Eagles by 13 and the Cards lose to the Seahawks and
it's just a one-point spread? Unless Vegas is sure Eli's having another
"Free Footballs For Opposing DBs Day" (as we admit he is wont to do),
Arizona has no chance. Giants 26, Cardinals 14.
Miami
(+7) at SAN DIEGO (44): It's Sporano, not Soprano, but another loss or
two and Tony's gonna get whacked. Chargers 23, Dolphins 17.
Denver (+12.5) at GREEN BAY (46): Not big enough. Packers 31, Broncos 16.
New England (-5) at OAKLAND (55): If the
Patriots win this on Raider turf, Al Davis will roll over in his grave.
Patriots 30, Raiders 27.
New York Jets (+3.5) at BALTIMORE (42): Joe Namath is a lot more pleasant when he's drunk. Ravens 20, Jets 13.
Indianapolis
(+10) at TAMPA BAY (40.5): Paging Carson Palmer, Mr. Palmer to the
Colts courtesy phone ... Buccaneers 26, Colts 17.
Lock of the Week: New York Giants
Trifecta: New York Giants, Detroit, Pittsburgh
Over/Under Good Buys: Jets/Ravens Under; Atlanta/Seattle Over
2011 Week 3 Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 11-5
Against The Spread: 9-7
Lock of the Week: 1-0
Trifecta:0-1
Money: $+240
2011 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 34-14
Against The Spread: 27-21
Lock of the Week: 3-0
Trifecta: 1-2
Money: $+2,000
2011 Week 3 Pro-Line: $10
2011 Week 3 Pro-Line: $0
2011 Season Pro-Line: $42
2011 Season Pro-Line: $144
2011 Total: $+102
Straight Up: 11-5
Against The Spread: 9-7
Lock of the Week: 1-0
Trifecta:0-1
Money: $+240
2011 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 34-14
Against The Spread: 27-21
Lock of the Week: 3-0
Trifecta: 1-2
Money: $+2,000
2011 Week 3 Pro-Line: $10
2011 Week 3 Pro-Line: $0
2011 Season Pro-Line: $42
2011 Season Pro-Line: $144
2011 Total: $+102
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