Welcome to The Hoser's NFL Playoff Picks, 2011 Week 1, where we hope Andy Dalton can stop pooping long enough to lose in Houston.
Cincinnati (+4) at HOUSTON (38): Given how Ray Rice dissected the Bengal defense last week, T.J. Yates will have a chart strapped to his wrist that says simply, "There's a sniper on the roof. Throw and we shoot you." Texans 22, Bengals 16.
Detroit (+10.5) at NEW ORLEANS (59): The Saints will be playing without Lance Moore. It won't be enough to help the Lions win, but it will keep the score down a bit. There's also the chance Ndamukong Suh goes nuts, stomps a couple hookers and misses the game. Not like, but it IS New Orleans. Saints 34, Lions 26.
Atlanta (+3) at NEW YORK GIANTS (47.5): It seems strange to pick a team that was actually outscored during the regular season to win a playoff game, but the Giants have to come together at the right time, while the Falcons are just not that great on the road. Force Matt Ryan to throw and you win the game. Giants 24, Falcons 17.
Pittsburgh (-8) at DENVER (33.5): We only have this as a cover for Denver because we figure Pittsburgh will be far enough ahead they'll revert to nothing but running and not scoring, or as it's also known, the Denver offensive gameplan. Steelers 21, Broncos 16.
Lock of the Week: Houston