Sunday, November 17, 2013

The Hoser on the NFL, Week 11 Edition

Last week was the first week in five years I missed making my picks. Not that anyone noticed, aside from my bookie, who was counting on my $50 to take his kid to Chuck E. Cheese. Sorry, Guido Jr.

Atlanta (+1) at TAMPA BAY (44): This game will be much more enjoyable if you invite Jason Snelling over. Buccaneers 24, Falcons 20.
Detroit (-3) at PITTSBURGH (45.5): Ben Roethlisberger's teammates have been hinting he needs to spend more time studying his playbook and becoming a more "cerebral" player. Perhaps they should surrounding the video room with drunk chicks and rohypnol. (Ed. note: I am terrified I just Googled the correct spelling of "rohypnol." It was just for this, NSA people.) Lions 24, Steelers 16.
San Diego (+1) at MIAMI (45.5): The Dolphins may not have a single person dressed on defense. Chargers 26, Dolphins 19.
Baltimore (+3) at CHICAGO (41): It says here Luke McCown is starting. In an NFL game. For the favoured team. *shakes head, lays off the sauce* Bears 24, Ravens 17.
Cleveland (+5.5) at CINCINNATI (40.5): The Browns are tougher than they get credit for, but the Bengals are due to drop the hammer in this series. Bengals 31, Browns 13.
Oakland (+9.5) at HOUSTON (41): RIP Todd Christiansen, who at once was a great tight end and frightened us all away from man perms. Texans 24, Raiders 16.
Arizona (-9) at JACKSONVILLE (40): Not yet, Jags fans, but a cover. Cardinals 24, Jaguars 16.
Kansas City (+9) at DENVER (49.5): Manning goes out in the first half with a bad ankle and the Chiefs win it in the end. Chiefs 23, Broncos 20.
Minnesota (+12) at SEATTLE (46): Russell Okung is back for the Seahawks, but the line's just too damned big and Minnesota gets one in garbage time to cover. Seahawks 26, Vikings 17.
San Francisco (+3.5) at NEW ORLEANS (50): Shootouts always favour the team with Drew Brees under centre. Saints 31, 49ers 27.
New England (+2.5) at CAROLINA (46):The Panthers are hot and Brady's banged up. If it goes to +3, parlay the hell out of the Pats, though. Panthers 19, Patriots 17.
Green Bay (+4) at NY GIANTS (41.5): Giants 23, Packers 20.
Washington (+4.5) at PHILADELPHIA (53.5): Eagles 29, Racists 20.
NY Jets (-1) at BUFFALO (40): Jets 20, Bills 17.

Lock of the Week: Cincinnati
Trifecta: Philadelphia, Kansas City, Cincinnati

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