Sunday, November 20, 2011

The Hoser's NFL Picks, 2011 Week 11

Welcome to The Hoser's NFL Picks, Week 11, where, what the hell -- we're announcing we're in the running for the Republican presidential nomination. We haven't divorced a woman in a hospital, racked up a bunch of sexual harassment settlements or written racial slurs on rocks outside our house, but we'll hope you'll consider us anyway.

The Hoser had a strange week in Week 10, going 10-6 straight up and 8-8 against the spread but nailing both the Lock of the Week (Jacksonville) and the Trifecta (Jags, Texans, Patriots). That means an $820 gain, pushing us up over $4K for the year (fictionally, of course). We're wondering if any of the so-called money touts are 9-1 on the Lock this year. *thumps chest*

As always, remember -- these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as having Ashton Kutcher take over your Twitter feed while you're on vacation.

Editor's Note: You can check back -- we picked the Thursday game correctly on the spread but lost it straight up. Who cares? It's all about the Tebow!

Tennessee (+6.5) at ATLANTA (43.5): Doesn't it seem like Tennessee has only won two games this year? And yet here they are, 5-4 just like Atlanta. Give Mike Munchak a lot of credit. Falcons 26, Titans 17.
Buffalo (+3) at MIAMI (43): Anyone else think the Dolphins might win out? Dolphins 23, Bills 19.
Cincinnati (+6.5) at BALTIMORE (40.5): Ray Lewis is out for this game, which means maybe one more scoring opportunity for the Bengals and a better chance to cover this spread. Of course, it also increases the chances of someone being stabbed at the game. Ravens 20, Bengals 17.
Jacksonville (+1) at CLEVELAND (34): The statistical predictors we've seen have this as a tie. We'll give the edge to the Browns because Drew Carey looks like he could suit up for them. Browns 19, Jaguars 16.
Oakland (+2) at MINNESOTA (46): Weird line of the week. Are we missing something? Raiders 27, Vikings 16.
Carolina (+7) at DETROIT (47.5): How bad is the running back situation for the Lions? They just resigned Kevin Smith. He's big and low to the ground, but we don't know how he's gonna run in that trenchcoat. Lions 31, Panthers 17.
Tampa Bay (+14) at GREEN BAY (48.5): The game that sends the Buccaneers' season to Davy Jones' Locker for good. Packers 30, Buccaneers 17.
Dallas (-7) at WASHINGTON (41.5): Anyone else notice how much Mike Shanahan looks like Jeff Dunham's dummy Walter lately? Makes sense -- Walter has Dunham's hand up his ass, and you can bet Shanahan has the entirety of Dan Snyder up his. Cowboys 31, Racists 10.
Arizona (+10.5) at SAN FRANCISCO (40.5): The Cards won't win, but we like the John Skelton mojo. 49ers 24, Cardinals 14.
Seattle (+3) at ST. LOUIS RAMS (40): Rams 20, Seahawks 16.
San Diego (+3.5) at CHICAGO (45): If the Bears could somehow make Matt Forte the QB of a Tim Tebow-style offense, they'd never lose another game. Bears 24, Chargers 20.
Philadelphia (+6) at NY GIANTS (45): Vick and Maclin are out, and so is any hope in Philly. Giants 27, Eagles 17.
Kansas City (+15) at NEW ENGLAND (46.5): Normally, we wouldn't give two touchdowns, but normally you don't have an NFL team playing like a DIII art school squad. Patriots 34, Chiefs 10.

Lock of the Week: Oakland
Trifecta: Oakland, Cincinnati, New York Giants

2011 Week 10 Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 10-6
Against The Spread: 8-8
Lock of the Week: 1-1
Trifecta: 1-1
Money: $+820

2011 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 100-47
Against The Spread: 75-70-1
Lock of the Week: 9-1
Trifecta: 23-7
Money: $+4,250

2011 Week 10 Pro-Line: $0
2011 Season Pro-Line: $99
2011 Season Pro-Line: $169
2011 Total: $+80

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