Thursday, November 10, 2011

The Hoser's NFL Picks 2011 Week Ten

Welcome to Week 10 of the Hoser's NFL Picks, 2011 Edition, where apparently the surefire way to have yourself an incredible week is simply not post the picks anywhere except here.

We had most of our picks written when we had to step out for a while, and when we came back, the post hadn't saved. Frustrated, our staff stomped out of the office and let off some steam by starting an impromptu "Occupy Bay Street" protest, but we were quickly bought off with free TimBits and passes to the Hockey Hall of Fame.

We didn't get back to our duties, however, until early Sunday. By that time, we could only make our picks, and post them here, instead of at SportsFilter, and, where we usually do. It worked out fine for us, though, as we posted a scorching 12-2 record against the spread and 9-5 straight up.

We missed the Trifecta thanks to St. Louis absolutely blowing it in Phoenix, but Atlanta pushed us to 8-1 for the Lock of the Week this year. In all, we picked up a tidy $1,380 for the week.

This week, we're off to a trade show for the weekend, so the notes will be brief (all of you clapping, shut up). As always, remember -- these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as sending your wife to a Herman Cain rally by herself.

Oakland (+7) at SAN DIEGO (47.5): Philip Rivers has to be a pretty good quarterback to throw six touchdowns in a game -- even if two of them were to Packers. Chargers 24, Raiders 20.
Pittsburgh (-3.5) at CINCINNATI (41.5): Reading this story, we're guessing the Bengals already have a contract on the way. Steelers 23, Bengals 20.
Denver (+3) at KANSAS CITY (41): Funny, there was precious little bitching about "Tebowing" this week, was there? Chiefs 23, Broncos 19.
Jacksonville (-3) at INDIANAPOLIS (37.5): Jaguars 26, Colts 16.
Buffalo (+5) at DALLAS (48): Cowboys 27, Bills 20.
Tennessee (+3.5) at CAROLINA (45.5): This line makes us wonder how big Danny Sheridan's mancrush is on Cam Newton. Titans 23, Panthers 21.
Washington (+4) at MIAMI (37.5): Miami  wins one game and they're favoured over Washington? We bet you could make diamonds in Mike Shanahan's sphincter right now. Dolphins 21, Racists 16.
New Orleans (+1) at ATLANTA (49.5): The game of the week and this one's closer than Jennifer Tilly's cans in that dress she wore on Craig Ferguson the other night. Falcons 27, Saints 21.
Detroit (+3) at CHICAGO (45): They say former Lions GM Matt Millen broke down on TV talking about Joe Paterno the other day, but we're pretty sure someone just slid a copy of his draft record in front of him. Bears 24, Lions 22.
St. Louis Rams (+3) at CLEVELAND (37): Sam Bradford has thrown just three TD passes this season. To put that in perspective, it's only three more than Jeff George. Browns 22, Rams 17.
Arizona (-14) at PHILADELPHIA (47): The line on this one just got posted and it's wider than Kim Kardashian's ass. Eagles 29, Cardinals 14.
Baltimore (-6.5) at SEATTLE (41): Supposedly, the Pittsburgh stadium staff insinuated Joe Flacco was a woman by showing his and Ben Roethlisberger's at the same time and playing "What's Your Name?" by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Flacco can't be female, though -- Big Ben didn't try to sexually assault him. Ravens 22, Seahawks 13.
New York Giants (+3.5) at SAN FRANCISCO (42.5): Yep, it was all Mike Singletary's fault. 49ers 24, Giants 20.
New England (+2) at NEW YORK JETS (47.5): Now that the Patriots have jettisoned Albert Haynesworth, that saved weight should allow everyone flying on their charter to bring an extra bag. Patriots 26, Jets 20.
Houston (-3) at TAMPA BAY (45.5):  Annnnd justlikethat, Tampa Bay picks up Haynesworth and signals that yes, they are officially grasping at straws. Texans 26, Buccaneers 20.
Minnesota (+12.5) at GREEN BAY (51.5): Packers 33, Vikings 17.

Lock of the Week: Jacksonville
Trifecta: Jacksonville, Houston, New England

2011 Week 8 Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 8-5
Against The Spread: 5-8
Lock of the Week: 0-1
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $-980

2011 Week 9 Hoser Picks: 
Straight Up: 9-5
Against The Spread: 12-2
Lock of the Week: 1-0
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $+1,380

2011 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 90-41
Against The Spread: 67-62-1
Lock of the Week: 8-1
Trifecta: 2-7
Money: $+3,430

2011 Week 9 Pro-Line: $5 
2011 Week 7 Pro-Line: $0
2011 Season Pro-Line: $99
2011 Season Pro-Line: $169
2011 Total: $+80

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