The Hoser's NFL Picks, Week Three, 2012 Season

Welcome to Week Three of The Hoser's 2012 NFL picks, where I rebounded with a solid Week Two that didn't nearly offset my horrible first week, but you gotta start somewhere, right?

I've already hit the Giants-Panthers Thursday night game (thanks for the crap start, Eli), so we're 1-0 on both sides of the ledger.

As always, remember -- using these picks to wager actual money is about as advisable as getting a neck tattoo so badly botched it could either be a woman you once beat up, or Where's Waldo with a black eye.

St. Louis Rams (+7) at CHICAGO (43): Matt Forte out = 25-30 carries for Michael Bush. 25-30 carries for Bush = less pass attempts for Jay Cutler. Less attempts for Cutler = WINNING. Bears 26, Rams 20.

Tampa Bay (+7.5) at DALLAS (46.5): The Cowboys are the better team, but Greg Schiano has the Bucs believing early. Lots of Doug Martin keeps this below a touchdown. Cowboys 24, Buccaneers 19.

San Francisco (-6.5) at MINNESOTA (42.5): The only mystery here is if Randy Moss will run over a meter maid for old time's sake. 49ers 23, Vikings 14.

Detroit (-3.5) at TENNESSEE (47.5): Think the Titans miss Jeff Fisher much? Lions 31, Titans 17.

Cincinnati (+3) at WASHINGTON (50): Some day, Mike Shanahan will be able to get 32 different running backs one touch each in a game. Racists 24, Bengals 23.

New York Jets (-2.5) at MIAMI (41): Against my better judgment ... Dolphins 22, Jets 16.

Kansas City (+7.5) at NEW ORLEANS (53): Terrible start to the season, Saints?  Here's your miracle fix. Saints 30, Chiefs 20.

Buffalo (-2.5) at CLEVELAND (44): I don't trust the Bills, and the Browns have been close. They get their first win at home. Browns 20, Bills 17.

Jacksonville (+3) at INDIANAPOLIS (43): No rookie QB should ever be favoured any time, anywhere. Unless the opponent is the Jaguars. Colts 22, Jaguars 17.

Houston (-2) at DENVER (44): Another bad week for Peyton. Texans 24, Broncos 19.

Philadelphia (-3.5) at ARIZONA (42): When an East Coast team travels to the West Coast, they usually suffer. The Eagles will here. Cardinals 22, Eagles 20.

Atlanta (+3) at SAN DIEGO (48): See above -- especially if Michael Turner was driving the team bus. Chargers 27, Falcons 19.

Pittsburgh (-3.5) at OAKLAND (45.5): When an East Coast team travels to the West Coast, they usually ... oh, it's the Raiders? Nevermind. (Also, I never know whether to capitalize "East Coast" or not. Free chowder would guarantee me doing it forever.) Steelers 27, Raiders 20.

New England (+2.5) at BALTIMORE (50): It warms my heart to see the Patriots as underdogs, and deservedly so here. Ravens 26, Patriots 23.

Green Bay (-3) at SEATTLE (44.5): Is it so hard to play in Seattle because the whole town smells like fish? Packers 22, Seahawks 20.

Lock of the Week: San Diego

Trifecta: San Diego, Pittsburgh, Cleveland

Week Two ATS: 8-6-2

Week Two SU: 8-8

Week Two Lock of the Week: 1-0

Week Two Trifecta: 1-0

Week Two $ Total: $1,140

2012 Season ATS: 11-19-2

2012 Season SU: 15-17

2012 Season Lock of the Week: 1-1

2012 Season Trifecta: 1-1

2012 Season $ Total: -$720

2012 Season ProLine Totals: -$10