The Football Hoser's NFL Picks, Week Six, 2014

Welcome to Week Six of the 2014 edition of the Football Hoser's NFL picks, where thanks to Thanksgiving and an exploding minivan (don't ask), it's the down and dirty this week.

It was our best week of the season in Week Five, piling up an 11-4 against the spread record and 13-2 straight up. It took me a long way back toward even for the season, but I still didn't win any money on ProLine. I'm already down one after the Texans couldn't quite complete the comeback Thursday night.

As always, remember: these picks are for fun. Using these picks to make actual bets is as advisable as being a major-league umpire and not understanding what a balk is.

Denver (-9.5) at NEW YORK JETS (48): I think if you smashed Michael Vick and Geno Smith together ... Geno Smith would get a venereal disease. Broncos 31, Jets 19.
Jacksonville (+4) at TENNESSEE (42.5): Not yet, Jaguars, not yet. Titans 23, Jaguars 20.
Chicago (+3) at ATLANTA (54.5): This one's at the Georgia Dome, so the Falcons should win by 50 and Matt Ryan will be the Second Coming. Falcons 30, Bears 23.
Green Bay (-2.5) at MIAMI (49): The Double-Check Discount Train is now rolling, and the Dolphins are laying on the track. Packers 29, Dolphins 22.
Detroit (+2) at MINNESOTA (43.5): Megatron is doubtful, but I'm not doubtful Detroit can win on the road. The Lions discover their running game. Lions 21, Vikings 19.
Carolina (+7) at CINCINNATI (43.5): Do the Bengals bounce back from the spanking they got last week? Against the Panthers, they sure do. Bengals 26, Panthers 17.
New England (-2.5) at BUFFALO (45): See the Packers game above. Patriots 30, Bills 17.
San Diego (-7) at OAKLAND (43): All the talk about Jon Gruden coming back to coach the Raiders makes me think of this as the necessary answer to who can solve Oakland's problems. Chargers 33, Raiders 16.
Dallas (+8.5) at SEATTLE (47): Wait, I thought the Cowboys were the '72 Dolphins? Seahawks 26, Cowboys 20.
Washington (+4.5) at ARIZONA (45.5): Charley Trippi might be starting at quarterback for Arizona. Cardinals 24, Racists 20.
New York Giants (+2.5) at PHILADELPHIA (50.5): This is where the Eagles collapse. Giants 27, Eagles 23.
San Francisco (-3.5) at ST. LOUIS (44): I believe in Austin Davis! (Just not enough to pull this game out.) 49ers 26, Rams 21.
Pittsburgh (+1) at CLEVELAND (47): Browns 23, Steelers 20.
Baltimore (-3.5) at TAMPA BAY (43.5): Ravens 27, Buccaneers 20.

Lock of the Week: San Diego
Trifecta: San Diego, Green Bay, New England

2014 Week Five

Lock of the Week: 1-0
Trifecta: 0-1
ATS: 11-4
SU: 13-2
Total $: $1,170

2014 Season Totals

Lock of the Week: 1-4
Trifecta: 0-5
ATS: 41-33-2
SU: 45-31
Total $: -$920