The Football Hoser's NFL Picks, Week Eight, 2014

Welcome to Week Eight of the 2014 edition of the Football Hoser's NFL picks, where I plummeted back to earth with a thud worthy of a stoned Nate Newton falling out of a BarcoLounger.

I was a miserable 5-10 against the spread, missing both the Lock and the Trifecta. A solid 10-5 straight up does nothing to alleviate the pain.

This will just be picks this week, but check out this interesting look at how you should be betting from Grantland chief Bill Simmons (welcome back from lots of golf, Billy!). He argues your picks should based not on just wins, but by ranking the quality of play ... well, just go see for yourself.

As always, remember: these picks are for fun. Using these picks to make actual bets is as advisable as trying to foist shitty football on foreigners.


Detroit (-3.5) vs. (In London) Atlanta (45.5): Lions 26, Falcons 16.
Minnesota (+2.5) at TAMPA BAY (43): Buccaneers 23, Vikings 17.
Chicago (+6) at NEW ENGLAND (51): Patriots 31, Bears 24.
St. Louis (+7) at KANSAS CITY (44): Chiefs 30, Rams 20.
Seattle (-5.5) at CAROLINA (44.5): Panthers 24, Seahawks 20.
Buffalo (+3) at NEW YORK JETS (41): Bills 23, Jets 16.
Miami (-6) at JACKSONVILLE (42): Dolphins 26, Jaguars 17.
Houston (-3.5) at TENNESSEE (42): A rookie quarterback against Ryan Fitzpatrick. I pick J.J. Watts. 23, Titans 20.
Baltimore (-2) at CINCINNATI (45): Ravens 29, Bengals 17.
Philadelphia (+1.5) at ARIZONA (48): About as dead even as you can get. Cardinals 26, Eagles 23.
Indianapolis (-3.5) at PITTSBURGH (49): Colts 31, Steelers 20.
Oakland (+6.5) at CLEVELAND (43.5): Browns 28, Raiders 13.
Green Bay (+2) at NEW ORLEANS (55.5): Packers 33, Saints 27.
Washington (+10) at DALLAS (49.5): Cowboys 26, Redskins 17.

Lock of the Week: Baltimore
Trifecta: Baltimore, Green Bay, Indianapolis

2014 Week Seven

Lock of the Week: 0-1
Trifecta: 0-1
ATS: 5-10
SU: 10-5
Total $: -950

2014 Season Totals

Lock of the Week: 1-6
Trifecta: 0-7
ATS: 55-49-2
SU: 65-40-1
Total $: -$2,200