The Football Hoser's NFL Picks, Week Seven, 2014

Welcome to Week Seven of the 2014 edition of the Football Hoser's NFL picks, where a double shift Saturday and a rare Sunday store opening means a short Hoser.

It was another solid week in Week Six, as I posted a 9-6 against the spread record and 10-4-1 straight up. That last number comes courtesy of Bengals kicker Mike Nugent schtoinking a 36-yard last-second attempt against Carolina, which drew the ire of Cincy CB Adam "Pac-Man" Jones, and you know things are bad when that upstanding citizen feels free to call you out.

The Jets also had a late field-goal try go awry Thursday night against the Patriots, but you can forgive Nick Folk for blasting it a little low from 58 yards. New York still got us the cover, so I'm 1-0 this week.

As always, remember: these picks are for fun. Using these picks to make actual bets is as advisable as trying those canned chicken and dumplings from the dollar store.

Tennessee (+6) at WASHINGTON (46): You know you suck when you're getting nearly a touchdown against a team on a five-game losing streak. Racists 26, Titans 16.
Miami (+3) at CHICAGO (48.5): A strong Bears pass rush equals a long day for Ryan Tannehill. Bears 24, Dolphins 17.
Seattle (-6.5) at ST. LOUIS (43.5): The Seahawks pulled off a stunner this week, trading wide receiver Percy Harvin to the Jets for the equivalent of a bag of dirty jocks. Word is Harvin has anger management issues, so this is a Lorena Bobbitt solution -- hoping the situation improves by removing a dick. Seahawks 26, Rams 20.
Carolina (+6.5) at GREEN BAY (49.5): The Panther defense has given up 34 points a game since Greg Hardy was removed from the team. They sure miss him -- but I bet his ex-girlfriend doesn't. Packers 29, Panthers 26.
Atlanta (+6.5) at BALTIMORE (50): The Falcons are about as stable as Amanda Bynes. Ravens 27, Falcons 20.
Minnesota (+5.5) at BUFFALO (42.5): The Vikings' big plan is apparently to get Matt Asiata more involved this week. That's quite the dynamic coaching staff Minnesota's got up there, huh? Bills 23, Vikings 16.
New Orleans (+2.5) at DETROIT (47): With the line under a field goal, much of this hinges on whether Jimmy Graham suits up. In other words, stay away. (This pick assumes he plays sparingly.) Lions 26, Saints 22.
New York Giants (+6.5) at DALLAS (48): The Cowboys announced this week Pit Bull will play a concert at this year's Thanksgiving game, because nothing says family and giving thanks like weak-assed rap. Cowboys 31, Giants 27.
Arizona (-3.5) at OAKLAND (44.5): Cardinals 26, Raiders 20.
San Francisco (+6.5) at DENVER (50): Broncos 27, 49ers 23.
Houston (+3) at PITTSBURGH (44.5): Steelers 24, Texans 23.
Cincinnati (+3) at INDIANAPOLIS (49.5): Colts 27, Bengals 23.
Kansas City (+4) at SAN DIEGO (45): Chargers 26, Chiefs 20.
Cleveland (-5.5) at JACKSONVILLE (45): Browns 29, Jaguars 17.

Lock of the Week: San Diego
Trifecta: San Diego, Cleveland, Buffalo

2014 Week Six

Lock of the Week: 0-1
Trifecta: 0-1
ATS: 9-6
SU: 10-4-1
Total $: -330

2014 Season Totals

Lock of the Week: 1-5
Trifecta: 0-6
ATS: 50-39-2
SU: 55-35-1
Total $: -$1,250