The Hoser's NFL Picks, Week 17

New York Jets (+3.5) at BUFFALO (39): Yay! Two coaches on their way out! Bills 23, Jets 17.

Miami (+10.5) at NEW ENGLAND (46.5): I think the Patriots let up a little here, and it doesn't make any difference. Patriots 30, Dolphins 17.

Baltimore (+3) at CINCINNATI (41.5): Bengals 22, Ravens 20.

Cleveland (+10) at PITTSBURGH (34.5): Steelers 20, Browns 13.

Houston (-6.5) at INDIANAPOLIS (47): Texans 26, Colts 20.

Jacksonville (+5.5) at TENNESSEE (42): Titans 23, Jaguars 20.

Philadelphia (+6.5) at NEW YORK GIANTS (45): I wish Andy Reid well in San Diego. Can someone start a cheesesteak overnight service? Giants 26, Eagles 20.

Dallas (+3.5) at WASHINGTON (49): Romo fail. Racists 24, Cowboys 20.

Chicago (-3) at DETROIT (46): The Lions haven't shown up all season, and they won't start now. Bears 26, Lions 22.

Green Bay (-3.5) at MINNESOTA (46): Packers 27, Vikings 20.

Tampa Bay (+3.5) at ATLANTA (46): Enjoy this game, Falcons fans -- you probably only have one more after it. Falcons 24, Buccaneers 20.

Carolina (+4) at NEW ORLEANS (54): "And here's Roger Goddell with a big apology to all the Saints fans! NOOOOOOOOT!" Saints 30, Panthers 24.

Kansas City (+16.5) at DENVER (41.5): Broncos 26, Chiefs 16.

Oakland (+9.5) at SAN DIEGO (40.5): Hello and goodbye, Terrelle Pryor. Chargers 26, Raiders 21.

Arizona (+16.5) at SAN FRANCISCO (38.5):When Wisenhunt gets canned, I hope for laughs he's name the coach of the Coyotes. 49ers 24, Cardinals 10.

St. Louis Rams (+12) at SEATTLE (43):  The Rams will make a respectable showing here, but it won't be enough. Seahawks 27, Rams 17.

 

Lock of the Week: Cleveland

Trifecta: Cleveland, Kansas City, Arizona

The Hoser's NFL Picks, Week 16 2012

Already got the Atlanta game with a 27-17 call over Detroit.

Tennessee  (+10.5) at GREEN BAY (45.5): Packers 29, Titans 16.

Oakland (+8) at CAROLINA (46.5):  Panthers 27, Raiders 17.

Buffalo (+5) at MIAMI (43.5): Bills 23, Dolphins 20.

Cincinnati (+3.5) at PITTSBURGH (41): Steelers 21, Bengals 20.

New England (-14) at JACKSONVILLE (51): Patriots 33, Jaguars 17.

Indianapolis (-5.5) at KANSAS CITY (42.5): Colts 24, Chiefs 20.

New Orleans (+2.5) at DALLAS (53.5): Cowboys 30, Saints 27.

Washington (-5.5) at PHILADELPHIA (46): Redskins 31, Eagles 20.

St. Louis Rams (+3) at TAMPA BAY (44): Buccaneers 23, Rams 16.

New York Giants (-1) at BALTIMORE (47): Giants 26, Ravens 23.

Minnesota (+7) at HOUSTON (44.5): Texans 30, Vikings 20.

Cleveland (+11) at DENVER (43.5): Broncos 31, Browns 21.

Chicago (-7) at ARIZONA (36.5): Bears 20, Cardinals 14.

San Francisco (+2) at SEATTLE (40): Seahawks 23, 49ers 20.

San Diego (+2.5) at NEW YORK JETS (37.5): Jets 24, Chargers 20.

Lock of the Week: NY Giants

Trifecta: NY Giants, Buffalo, Dallas

Green Bay (-2.5) at CHICAGO (43): Packers 23, Bears 17.

New York Giants (+1.5) at ATLANTA (49.5): Giants 27, Falcons 24.

Tampa Bay (+3.5) at NEW ORLEANS (55): Buccaneers 26, Saints 22.

Minnesota (+2.5) at ST. LOUIS RAMS (39.5): Rams 21, Vikings 16.

Washington (+4.5) at CLEVELAND (40): Browns 23, Racists 17.

Jacksonville (+7.5) at MIAMI (38.5): Jaguars 22, Dolphins 20

Denver (-3) at BALTIMORE (48): Broncos 27, Ravens 20.

Indianapolis (+10) at HOUSTON (48): Texans 29, Colts 20.

Carolina (+3) at SAN DIEGO (45): Chargers 23, Panthers 22.

Seattle (-4) at BUFFALO (43.5): Bills 24, Seahawks 20.

Detroit (-6) at ARIZONA (43.5): Lions 34, Cardinals 10.

Pittsburgh (+1) at DALLAS (45): Cowboys 23, Steelers 20.

Kansas City (+4.5) at OAKLAND (43.5): Raiders 30, Chiefs 22.

San Francsico (+4) at NEW ENGLAND (47):  Patriots 24, 49ers 21.

New York Jets (+2) at TENNESSEE (42): Titans 24, Jets 16.

Lock of the Week: Detroit

Trifecta: Detroit, Jacksonville, Green Bay

The Hoser's NFL Picks 2012, Week 15 Thursday Edition

Cincinnati (-5) at PHILADELPHIA (45): Bengals 26, Eagles 20.

The Hoser's NFL Picks, Week 14 Edition

Baltimore (+2.5) at WASHINGTON (47½): Ravens 23, Racists 20.

Kansas City (+7) at CLEVELAND (38): Browns 26, Chiefs 17.

San Diego (+7.5) at PITTSBURGH (39): Steelers 22, Chargers 19.

Tennessee (+5) at INDIANAPOLIS (47): Colts 27, Titans 20.

New York Jets (-3) at JACKSONVILLE (38): Jaguars 19, Jets 16.

Chicago (-2.5) at MINNESOTA (40): Bears 22, Vikings 17.

Atlanta (-3.5) at CAROLINA (48): Falcons 30, Panthers 20.

Philadelphia (+7) at TAMPA BAY (48): Buccaneers 29, Eagles 17.

St. Louis Rams (+3.5) at BUFFALO (42.5): Bills 23, Rams 13.

Dallas (+3) at CINCINNATI (46.5): Bengals 24, Cowboys 20.

Miami (+10.5) at SAN FRANCISCO (39): 49ers 22, Dolphins 13.

New Orleans (+4.5) at NEW YORK GIANTS (53): Giants 31, Saints 23.

Arizona (+9.5) at SEATTLE (36): Seahawks 23, Cardinals 10.

Detroit (+6.5) at GREEN BAY (49.5): Packers 27, Lions 21.

Houston (+3.5) at NEW ENGLAND (50.5): Texans 30, Patriots 26.

 

Lock of the Week: Houston

Trifecta: Houston, San Diego, Baltimore

Week 12 ATS: 6-9

Week 12 SU: 8-7
Week 12 Lock of the Week: 0-1
Week 12 Trifecta: 0-1
Week 12 $ Total: -$630

2012 Season ATS: 83-99-3
2012 Season SU: 117-67-1
2012 Season Lock of the Week: 5-8
2012 Season Trifecta: 3-10
2012 Season $ Total: -$2,530
2012 Season ProLine Totals: $45

The Hoser's NFL Picks, 2012 Week 14 Thursday Edition

Denver (-10) at OAKLAND (47.5): Broncos 31, Raiders 23.

Terrific week last week, with a 10-3 ATS record and both the Lock and Trifecta nailed. That puts me up in real money for Pro-Line (barely), but it's still been a lousy year.

Seattle (+3.5) at CHICAGO (37.5): Bears 20, Seahawks 16.

Minnesota (+7.5) at GREEN BAY (46): Packers 26, Vikings 19.

San Francisco (-7) at ST. LOUIS RAMS (40): 49ers 29, Rams 16.

Arizona (-4) at NEW YORK JETS (36.5): Jets 20, Cardinals 17.

Carolina (-3) at KANSAS CITY (41): Panthers 24, Chiefs 20.

Indianapolis (+4.5) at DETROIT (51): Lions 29, Colts 20.

Jacksonville (+6) at BUFFALO (45): Bills 24, Jaguars 17.

New England (-7) at MIAMI (51): Patriots 30, Dolphins 20.

Houston (-6) at TENNESSEE (47): Texans 26, Titans 21.

Tampa Bay (+7) at DENVER (50.5): Broncos 26, Buccaneers 20.

Pittsburgh (+7.5) at BALTIMORE (35.5): Ravens 20, Steelers 13.

Cleveland (+1.5) at OAKLAND (45): Raiders 24, Browns 21.

Cincinnati (+2.5) at SAN DIEGO (46): Bengals 23, Chargers 20.

Philadelphia (+10) at DALLAS (43): Cowboys 27, Eagles 19.

New York Giants (-3) at WASHINGTON (51): Giants 30, Redskins 20.

Lock of the Week: NY Giants
Trifecta: Chicago, NY Giants, San Francisco

Week 12 ATS: 10-3
Week 12 SU: 10-3
Week 12 Lock of the Week: 1-0
Week 12 Trifecta: 1-0
Week 12 $ Total: $1,870

2012 Season ATS: 77-90-3
2012 Season SU: 109-60-1
2012 Season Lock of the Week: 5-7
2012 Season Trifecta: 3-9
2012 Season $ Total: -$1,900
2012 Season ProLine Totals: $45

The Hoser's NFL Picks, Week 13 2012 Thursday Edition

New Orleans (+3.5) at ATLANTA (54): Falcons 34, Saints 24.

Welcome to Week 12 of The Hoser, where we hope your turkey hangover has passed. We were 2-1 ATS and straight up on the Thursday games (my lack of faith in Washington betrayed me). Had I half a brain, I would have made the Patriots my Lock this week, because seriously, how were they going to not beat the freaking Jets by at least 20?

Baltimore completely boned us last week, blowing two Pro-Line tickets when Justin Tucker missed a field goal. Somehow, my subconscious made me drop Tucker off my fantasy squad. Hiya, Adam Vinatieri!

In another massive fail, we went 12-1 straight up and forgot to send our picks in to our pool. Genius.

Oakland (+7.5) at CINCINNATI (50.5): Bengals 31, Raiders 20.
Pittsburgh (-2.5) at CLEVELAND (34): Who's at quarterback for Pittsburgh today, Bubby Brister? Browns 20, Steelers 17.
Buffalo (+3) at INDIANAPOLIS (51.5): Colts 27, Bills 20.
Denver (-10) at KANSAS CITY (43): I have to think the most grateful man in the NFL is Romeo Crennel. How the hell is he still drawing a paycheque? Broncos 26, Chiefs 13.
Tennessee (-3.5) at JACKSONVILLE (44.5): Chad Henne, ladies and gentlemen! Jaguars 24, Titans 20.
Minnesota (+6.5) at CHICAGO (39.5): Bears 27, Vikings 16.
Atlanta (-1.5) at TAMPA BAY (51.5): Buccaneers 24, Falcons 20.
Seattle (-3) at MIAMI (38): The Dolphins can't possibly be as bad as they were last week, but they can still be terrible. Seahawks 22, Dolphins 17.
Baltimore (PK) at SAN DIEGO (47): Please, please, please, Baltimore, drive a stake through the heart of Norvula. Ravens 24, Chargers 23.
San Francisco (-2) at NEW ORLEANS (50): Rookie QBs don't play that well two weeks in a row, but New Orleans's defense is just too crappy to stand up to San Fran for long. 49ers 23, Saints 20.
St. Louis Rams (+2) at ARIZONA (37): Who's at quarterback for Arizona today, Rusty Litsch? Cardinals 20, Rams 16.
Green Bay (-3) at NEW YORK GIANTS (51): The porous Packer pass defense is just what Eli needs to get on track again. Giants 27, Packers 23.
Carolina (+3) at PHILADELPHIA (41): Please, please, please, Carolina, release Andy Reid from his hell -- so he can go replace Norv in San Diego next season. Panthers 26, Eagles 16.

Lock of the Week: Carolina
Trifecta: Indianapolis, Carolina, Chicago

Week Seven ATS: 7-6
Week Seven SU: 12-1
Week Seven Lock of the Week: 0-1
Week Seven Trifecta: 0-1
Week Seven $ Total: -$460

2012 Season ATS: 67-87-3
2012 Season SU: 99-57-1
2012 Season Lock of the Week: 4-7
2012 Season Trifecta: 2-9
2012 Season $ Total: -$3,770
2012 Season ProLine Totals: -$75

The Hoser's NFL Picks, U.S. Thanksgiving Edition, 2012 Week 12

Happy Thanksgiving to all you USAmericans today -- even though you're about a month late and you don't have poutine on your table. Man, are you guys missing out.

Houston (-3.5) at DETROIT (49): Can you really bet against the Lions to cover at home on Thanksgiving? Texans 27, Lions 24.

Washington (+4) at DALLAS (47.5): I think this is going to turn out the same way it did when the Natives sold Manhattan. Cowboys 29, Racists 19.

New England Patriots (-7) at NEW YORK JETS (47.5): Turkeys won't be the only thing getting slaughtered today. Patriots 36, Jets 13.

The Hoser's NFL Picks, 2012, Week 11 Edition

Philadelphia (+3.5) at WASHINGTON (45): Racists 23, Eagles 20.
Green Bay (-3) at DETROIT (53.5): Packers 33, Lions 24.
Arizona (+8) at ATLANTA (44): Falcons 27, Cardinals 14.
Tampa Bay (-1) at CAROLINA (48): Buccaneers 24, Panthers 20.
Cleveland (+7) at DALLAS (44): Cowboys 26, Browns 22.
New York Jets (+3.5) at ST. LOUIS RAMS (38.5): Rams 20, Jets 17.
Indianapolis (+9.5) at NEW ENGLAND (54): Patriots 30, Colts 23.
Jacksonville (+14.5) at HOUSTON (41): Texans 31, Jaguars 17.
Cincinnati (-3.5) at KANSAS CITY (43): Chiefs 22, Bengals 20.
New Orleans (-5.5) at OAKLAND (55.5): Saints 34, Raiders 27.
San Diego (+7.5) at DENVER (48): Broncos 23, Chargers 20.
Baltimore (-3) at PITTSBURGH (40.5): Ravens 24, Steelers 20.
Chicago (+7) at SAN FRANCISCO (37): 49ers 22, Bears 14.

Lock of the Week: Baltimore
Trifecta: Baltimore, New Orleans, Tampa Bay

Week Seven ATS: 4-10
Week Seven SU: 8-5-1
Week Seven Lock of the Week: 0-1
Week Seven Trifecta: 0-1
Week Seven $ Total: -$1,260

2012 Season ATS: 60-81-3
2012 Season SU: 87-56-1
2012 Season Lock of the Week: 4-6
2012 Season Trifecta: 2-8
2012 Season $ Total: -$3,310
2012 Season ProLine Totals: -$65

The Hoser's NFL Picks 2012, Week 11, Thursday Edition

Miami (+2.5) @ BUFFALO (45.5): Dolphins 23, Bills 20.

The Hoser's NFL Picks 2012, Week 10 Edition

Buffalo (+13) at NEW ENGLAND (53): Patriots 33, Bills 21.
New York Giants (-4) at CINCINNATI (49.5): Giants 27, Bengals 20.
San Diego (+3) at TAMPA BAY (47.5): Buccaneers 27, Chargers 17.
Denver (-3.5) at CAROLINA (47): Broncos 22, Panthers 20.
Tennessee (+6) at MIAMI (45): Dolphins 30, Titans 13.
Oakland (+7) at BALTIMORE (47.5): Ravens 26, Raiders 20.
Atlanta (-2.5) at NEW ORLEANS (54): Saints 26, Falcons 24.
Detroit (-2.5) at MINNESOTA (46): Lions 30, Vikings 20.
New York Jets (+6) at SEATTLE (39): Seahawks 23, Jets 16.
Dallas (-2.5) at PHILADELPHIA (44): Eagles 23, Cowboys 20.
St. Louis Rams (+11.5) at SAN FRANCISCO (39): 49ers 27, Rams 13.
Houston (-2) at CHICAGO (39.5): Bears 26, Texans 20.
Kansas City (+11) at PITTSBURGH (41): Steelers 30, Chiefs 14.

Lock of the Week: Miami
Trifecta: Miami, Detroit, Chicago

Week Seven ATS: 8-6
Week Seven SU: 11-3
Week Seven Lock of the Week: 1-0
Week Seven Trifecta: 1-0
Week Seven $ Total: $1,240

2012 Season ATS: 56-71-3
2012 Season SU: 79-51
2012 Season Lock of the Week: 4-5
2012 Season Trifecta: 2-7
2012 Season $ Total: -$2,050
2012 Season ProLine Totals: -$65

The Hoser's NFL Picks, Week 10, Thursday Edition

Indianapolis (-3.5) at JACKSONVILLE (43): Despite that 5-3 record, Indy is bad on the road and negative in point differential (-32 and counting). Does that mean you should put money on a Jaguars team that epitomizes bad in nearly every sense of the word, though? If you're getting better than a field goal at home, yes, yes it does. Colts 22, Jaguars 19.

The Hoser's NFL Picks, 2012 Edition, Week 9

Denver (-4) at CINCINNATI (47.5): Broncos 27, Bengals 20.
Arizona (+10) at GREEN BAY (43.5): Packers 26, Cardinals 13.
Miami (-2) at INDIANAPOLIS (43.5): Dolphins 23, Colts 17.
Baltimore (-3.5) at CLEVELAND (42.5): Ravens 22, Browns 19.
Buffalo (+10) at HOUSTON (47.5): Texans 30, Bills 23.
Carolina (+3) at WASHINGTON (48.5): Racists 24, Panthers 19.
Detroit (-6) at JACKSONVILLE (44): Lions 24, Jaguars 20.
Chicago (-4) at TENNESSEE (43.5): Bears 29, Titans 17.
Minnesota (+4.5) at SEATTLE (38.5): Seahawks 23, Vikings 17.
Tampa Bay (+2) at OAKLAND (47.5): Buccaneers 23, Raiders 20.
Pittsburgh (+3.5) at NEW YORK GIANTS (48): Giants 26, Steelers 20.
Dallas (+3.5) at ATLANTA (47.5): Falcons 26, Cowboys 19.
Philadelphia (+3) at NEW ORLEANS (51.5): Saints 31, Eagles 20.  

Lock of the Week: Chicago  
Trifecta: Chicago, Tampa Bay, New Orleans

Week Seven ATS: 6-7
Week Seven SU: 10-3
Week Seven Lock of the Week: 1-0
Week Seven Trifecta: 0-1
Week Seven $ Total: $230

2012 Season ATS: 48-65-3
2012 Season SU: 68-48
2012 Season Lock of the Week: 3-5
2012 Season Trifecta: 1-7
2012 Season $ Total: -$3,290
2012 Season ProLine Totals: -$65

The Hoser's NFL Picks 2012, Week 9 Thursday Edition

Kansas City (+7.5) at SAN DIEGO (40.5): If it was possible for both teams to lose this game, I'd pick that. Norv Turner is horrible, but Romeo Crennel makes Norv look like Chuck Noll. And that's pretty tough. Chargers 27, Chiefs 16.

The Hoser's NFL Picks, Week Eight, 2012 Edition

New England (-3) at ST. LOUIS RAMS (46): Patriots 29, Rams 19. Indianapolis (+3) at TENNESSEE (46.5): Titans 27, Colts 20. Jacksonville (+14.5) at GREEN BAY (45.5): Packers 33, Jaguars 17. San Diego (-3) at CLEVELAND (41): Chargers 26, Browns 20. Atlanta (+2.5) at PHILADELPHIA (42.5): Falcons 24, Eagles 21. Seattle (+2.5) at DETROIT (42.5): Lions 22, Seahawks 20. Miami (+1) at NEW YORK JETS (38.5): Jets 22, Dolphins 16. Carolina (+7) at CHICAGO (42): Bears 27, Panthers 13. Washington (+4) at PITTSBURGH (43.5): Steelers 23, Racists 20. Oakland (+1) at KANSAS CITY (42.5): Raiders 22, Chiefs 19. New York Giants (-2.5) at DALLAS (48): Giants 27, Cowboys 23. New Orleans (+7) at DENVER (54.5): Broncos 33, Saints 24. San Francisco (-7) at ARIZONA (39): 49ers 23, Cardinals 14. Lock of the Week: New England Trifecta: New England, New York Jets, San Diego Week Six ATS: 7-5-1 Week Six SU: 9-4 Week Six Lock of the Week: 0-1 Week Six Trifecta: 0-1 Week Six $ Total: -$460 2012 Season ATS: 42-58-3 2012 Season SU: 58-45 2012 Season Lock of the Week: 2-5 2012 Season Trifecta: 1-6 2012 Season $ Total: -$3,520 2012 Season ProLine Totals: -$65

The Hoser's NFL Picks 2012, Week 8, Thursday Edition

Tampa Bay (+5.5) at MINNESOTA (43.5): Vikings 23, Bucs 17.

The Hoser's NFL Picks, Week Seven, 2012 Edition

Tennessee (+3.5) at BUFFALO (46.5): Bills 24, Titans 16.

Arizona (+7) at MINNESOTA (40.5): Vikings 23, Cardinals 20.

Cleveland (+1.5) at INDIANAPOLIS (46.5): Browns 24, Colts 20.

Baltimore (+7) at HOUSTON (48): Texans 22, Ravens 20.

Green Bay (-4.5) at ST. LOUIS RAMS (45.5): Packers 31, Rams 17.

Dallas (-2.5) at CAROLINA (45): Cowboys 22, Panthers 17.

Washington (+6.5) at NEW YORK GIANTS (51.5): Giants 29, Racists 20.

New Orleans (-1.5) AT TAMPA BAY (49.5): Buccaneers 26, Saints 23.

New York Jets (+10) at NEW ENGLAND (47.5): Patriots 28, Jets 20.

Jacksonville (+6) at OAKLAND (43.5): Raiders 21, Jaguars 17.

Pittsburgh (PK) at CINCINNATI (45): Steelers 24, Bengals 20.

Detroit (+6.5) at CHICAGO (47): Bears 24, Lions 21.

 

Lock of the Week: Pittsburgh

Trifecta: Baltimore, NY Giants, Pittsburgh

Week Six ATS: 7-7

Week Six SU: 8-6

Week Six Lock of the Week: 1-0

Week Six Trifecta: 0-1

Week Six $ Total: $330

2012 Season ATS: 35-53-2  
2012 Season SU: 49-41
2012 Season Lock of the Week: 2-4
2012 Season Trifecta: 1-5 

2012 Season $ Total: -$3,060  
2012 Season ProLine Totals: -$55

The Hoser's NFL Picks, 2012 Week 7, Thursday Edition

Seattle (+8) at SAN FRANCISCO (37.5): 49ers 22, Seattle 17.

The Hoser's NFL Picks 2012, Week Six Edition

Cincinnati (-2.5) at CLEVELAND (42.5): Browns 23, Bengals 17.
Indianapolis (+3.5) at NEW YORK JETS (44): Colts 26, Jets 20.
Kansas City (+4) at TAMPA BAY (40.5): Buccaneers 22, Chiefs 16.
Oakland (-9.5) at ATLANTA (48): Falcons 29, Raiders 16.
Dallas (+3) at BALTIMORE (44): Ravens 20, Cowboys 19.
Detroit (+3.5) at PHILADELPHIA (47.5): Lions 30, Eagles 22.
St. Louis Rams (+4.5) at MIAMI (38): Dolphins 20, Rams 17.
New England (-3.5) at SEATTLE (43.5): Patriots 26, Seahawks 23.
Buffalo (+4) at ARIZONA (44): Worst. Quarterback. Matchup. Ever. Cardinals 24, Bills 19. Minnesota (-1) at WASHINGTON (45.5): Vikings 24, Redskins 20.
New York Giants (+7) at SAN FRANCISCO (46.5): 49ers 23, Giants 20.
Green Bay (+3.5) at HOUSTON (47.5): Texans 29, Packers 21.
Denver (PK) at SAN DIEGO (48.5): Chargers 24, Broncos 21.

Lock of the Week: Detroit
Trifecta: Detroit, Cleveland, Indianapolis

Week Five ATS: 5-9
Week Five SU: 10-4  
Week Five Lock of the Week: 0-1
Week Five Trifecta: 0-1  
Week Five $ Total: -$1,090

2012 Season ATS: 28-46-2  
2012 Season SU: 41-35
2012 Season Lock of the Week: 1-4
2012 Season Trifecta: 1-4
2012 Season $ Total: -$3,390  
2012 Season ProLine Totals: -$55

The Hoser's NFL Picks, Week Six 2012 Thursday Edition

Just the score again! Pittsburgh (-6) at TENNESSEE (43.5): Steels 26, Titans 17.

The Hoser's NFL Picks, 2012 Edition, Week Five

Just the scores this week! Already 0-1 on both sides -- thanks, Kevin Kolb.

 

Atlanta (-3) at WASHINGTON (52): Falcons 27, Racists 20.

Philadelphia (+3) at PITTSBURGH (43): Steelers 26, Eagles 19.

Green Bay (+6.5) at INDIANAPOLIS (48): Packers 31, Colts 17.

Cleveland (+7.5) at NEW YORK GIANTS (44): Giants 24, Browns 17.

Tennessee (+5.5) at MINNESOTA (44): Vikings 26, Titans 16.

Miami (+3) at CINCINNATI (45): Bengals 21, Dolphins 20.

Baltimore (-6.5) at KANSAS CITY (47): Ravens 30, Chiefs 14.

Seattle (+2.5) at CAROLINA (43): Panthers 22, Seahawks 20.

Chicago (-5.5) at JACKSONVILLE (40.5): Bears 26, Jaguars 17.

Denver (+6) at NEW ENGLAND (52): Patriots 26, Broncos 23.

Buffalo (+9.5) at SAN FRANCISCO (45): 49ers 22, Bills 19.

San Diego (+3.5) at NEW ORLEANS (52.5): Saints 27, Chargers 23.

Houston (-7.5) at NEW YORK JETS (41): Texans 30, Jets 17.

Lock of the Week: Houston

Trifecta: Houston, Baltimore, New Orleans
 

Week Four ATS: 6-8

Week Four SU: 10-4

Week Four Lock of the Week: 0-1 

Week Four Trifecta:0-1

Week Four $ Total: -$880

 

2012 Season ATS: 23-37-2

2012 Season SU: 31-31

2012 Season Lock of the Week: 1-3

2012 Season Trifecta: 1-3

2012 Season $ Total: -$2,300

2012 Season ProLine Totals: -$45

The Hoser on the NFL, Week Five 2012, Thursday Edition

Arizona (+1) at ST. LOUIS RAMS (37.5): Cardinals 22, Rams 17.

The Hoser's NFL Picks, Week Four, 2012 Edition

Welcome to Week Four of The Hoser's 2012 NFL picks, where I'd be cursing San Diego this week if the people of San Diego weren't already cursed with Norv Turner.
 

The Chargers' complete collapse against Atlanta cost me both my Lock of the Week and the Trifecta, although Buffalo didn't help. I don't know if the Bills were more resilient than I gave them credit for, or maybe Cleveland is just slouching away from complete suckiness a bit more slowly than I anticipated (they were decent against the Ravens on Thursday).

This week I've already hit the Browns covering against said Ravens, although I'd like to know to whom Brandon Wheeden was throwing that final pass. Maybe one of the Cleveland receivers was up in the stands getting a beer.

As always, remember -- using these picks to wager actual money is about as advisable as KFC not bringing those bacon-and-mashed-potato fritters they're selling in Japan to the States. Honey Boo-Boo's family's already down for a dumptruck full.
 

New York Giants (+2.5) at PHILADELPHIA (47): I guess Vegas is expecting the Eagles to bounce back. I expect them to suck. Giants 26, Eagles 16.

Washington (+2.5) at TAMPA BAY (47.5): Much is being made of the Buccaneers' run defense stopping RGIII, but the good news is Mike Shanahan has at least 39 other running backs he can cycle in. Racists 26, Buccaneers 22.

New Orleans (+7.5) at GREEN BAY (52.5): I think local papers missed a great nickname for Mark Chumura when that scandal broke -- "The Lambeau Creep." Packers 30, Saints 20.

Cincinnati (-2.5) at JACKSONVILLE (43.5): The Bengals' terrible defense may have met its match in the Jaguars' terrible offense. Avoid at all costs. Bengals 22, Jags 21.

Oakland (+7) at DENVER (48.5): Wide receiver Darius Heyward-Bey says he doesn't remember the huge hit he took last week. Raider fans wish they could say the same about the last nine years or so. Broncos 23, Raiders 20.

Miami (+5) at ARIZONA (39): It's nice to be able to say I'm a Cardinals fan and not have to explain it for a change. Cardinals 23, Dolphins 16.

Seattle (-3) at ST. LOUIS RAMS (39.5): People need to back off Golden Tate. That move he used last week is the same way I clear out lingerers in front of the chocolate fountain at Golden Corral. Seahawks 23, Rams 14.

Tennessee (+12) at HOUSTON (44.5): Do the Texans deserve to get almost two TDs against a division rival? Yes, yes they do. Texans 34, Titans 17.

San Diego (-1.5) at KANSAS CITY (44): The Chiefs are getting scored on more than Jim Gaffigan's wife. Actually, given Jeannie Gaffigan's Twitter account, I think it might be the other way around. Congrats to both of them on No. 5 -- the Pope is proud! Chargers 29, Chiefs 22.

San Francisco (-3.5) at NEW YORK JETS (41.5): Hey, how much fun do you think practice was in San Francisco this week? 49ers 24, Jets 17.

Carolina (+7) at ATLANTA (48.5): He's playing great, but "Matty Ice" is about the stupidest nickname ever. Who wants to be linked to a shitty beer forever? Falcons 31, Panthers 16.

Minnesota (+4) at DETROIT (47.5): I like the Lions' chances with Glass Joe on the bench. Lions 26, Vikings 20.

New England (-3.5) at BUFFALO (50.5): I'm hoping Bill Belichick forgets and grabs Ed Hochuli this week. It'd be tough to coach with your head jammed up your ass. Patriots 27, Bills 19.

Chicago (+3.5) at DALLAS (41.5): One of my game predictors has this dead even. So it comes down to this -- where was Ditka more of a badass? Sure, he was Da Coach, but have you ever seen game footage of Ditka playing tight end for the Cowboys? Advantage: Dallas. Cowboys 20, Bears 17.
 

Lock of the Week: New York Giants

Trifecta: New York Giants, Atlanta, Arizona
 

Week Three ATS: 6-10

Week Three SU: 6-10

Week Three Lock of the Week: 0-1

Week Three Trifecta: 0-1

Week Three $ Total: -$700
 

2012 Season ATS: 17-29-2

2012 Season SU: 21-27

2012 Season Lock of the Week: 1-2

2012 Season Trifecta: 1-2

2012 Season $ Total: -$1,420

2012 Season ProLine Totals: -$35

The Hoser's 2012 NFL Picks, Week 4, Thursday Night Edition

Just a quickie tonight - running a charity auction! Cleveland (+11) at BALTIMORE (43.5): I saw tonight on PTI the guys were asking if the Browns could upset the Ravens. Sure, the same day Bob Ryan has smaller.lips than Mick Jagger. Still, Baltimore should be a little tired. Ravens 27, Browns 20.

The Hoser's Pro-Line Picks, Week Three, 2012

Just a little extra for our friends up north playing Pro-Line -- here's the value I like:

BEST BETS
CLEVELAND +3
MIAMI +1.5
ARIZONA +3.5

OTHER VALUE
TAMPA BAY +7.5
HOUSTON -2.5
PITTSBURGH -5.5
SAN DIEGO -3

This week I have a three-team parlay of Cleveland, Miami and San Diego, another three-team substituting Arizona for the Chargers and a six-teamer adding Detroit, Arizona and Pittsburgh.

Good luck!

The Hoser's NFL Picks, Week Three, 2012 Season

Welcome to Week Three of The Hoser's 2012 NFL picks, where I rebounded with a solid Week Two that didn't nearly offset my horrible first week, but you gotta start somewhere, right?

I've already hit the Giants-Panthers Thursday night game (thanks for the crap start, Eli), so we're 1-0 on both sides of the ledger.

As always, remember -- using these picks to wager actual money is about as advisable as getting a neck tattoo so badly botched it could either be a woman you once beat up, or Where's Waldo with a black eye.

St. Louis Rams (+7) at CHICAGO (43): Matt Forte out = 25-30 carries for Michael Bush. 25-30 carries for Bush = less pass attempts for Jay Cutler. Less attempts for Cutler = WINNING. Bears 26, Rams 20.

Tampa Bay (+7.5) at DALLAS (46.5): The Cowboys are the better team, but Greg Schiano has the Bucs believing early. Lots of Doug Martin keeps this below a touchdown. Cowboys 24, Buccaneers 19.

San Francisco (-6.5) at MINNESOTA (42.5): The only mystery here is if Randy Moss will run over a meter maid for old time's sake. 49ers 23, Vikings 14.

Detroit (-3.5) at TENNESSEE (47.5): Think the Titans miss Jeff Fisher much? Lions 31, Titans 17.

Cincinnati (+3) at WASHINGTON (50): Some day, Mike Shanahan will be able to get 32 different running backs one touch each in a game. Racists 24, Bengals 23.

New York Jets (-2.5) at MIAMI (41): Against my better judgment ... Dolphins 22, Jets 16.

Kansas City (+7.5) at NEW ORLEANS (53): Terrible start to the season, Saints?  Here's your miracle fix. Saints 30, Chiefs 20.

Buffalo (-2.5) at CLEVELAND (44): I don't trust the Bills, and the Browns have been close. They get their first win at home. Browns 20, Bills 17.

Jacksonville (+3) at INDIANAPOLIS (43): No rookie QB should ever be favoured any time, anywhere. Unless the opponent is the Jaguars. Colts 22, Jaguars 17.

Houston (-2) at DENVER (44): Another bad week for Peyton. Texans 24, Broncos 19.

Philadelphia (-3.5) at ARIZONA (42): When an East Coast team travels to the West Coast, they usually suffer. The Eagles will here. Cardinals 22, Eagles 20.

Atlanta (+3) at SAN DIEGO (48): See above -- especially if Michael Turner was driving the team bus. Chargers 27, Falcons 19.

Pittsburgh (-3.5) at OAKLAND (45.5): When an East Coast team travels to the West Coast, they usually ... oh, it's the Raiders? Nevermind. (Also, I never know whether to capitalize "East Coast" or not. Free chowder would guarantee me doing it forever.) Steelers 27, Raiders 20.

New England (+2.5) at BALTIMORE (50): It warms my heart to see the Patriots as underdogs, and deservedly so here. Ravens 26, Patriots 23.

Green Bay (-3) at SEATTLE (44.5): Is it so hard to play in Seattle because the whole town smells like fish? Packers 22, Seahawks 20.

Lock of the Week: San Diego

Trifecta: San Diego, Pittsburgh, Cleveland

Week Two ATS: 8-6-2

Week Two SU: 8-8

Week Two Lock of the Week: 1-0

Week Two Trifecta: 1-0

Week Two $ Total: $1,140

2012 Season ATS: 11-19-2

2012 Season SU: 15-17

2012 Season Lock of the Week: 1-1

2012 Season Trifecta: 1-1

2012 Season $ Total: -$720

2012 Season ProLine Totals: -$10

The Hoser's NFL PIcks, Week Three, 2012 Season, Thursday Night Quickie

I know I'm posting late, but I swear I haven't seen a score yet -- my wife is watching the Big Brother finale on PVR or something.

New York Giants (-3.5) at CAROLINA PANTHERS (52.5): Both teams are missing key personnel, but I have to believe Eli will stay hot. Giants 31, Panthers 23.

Welcome to Week Two of the 2012 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where my first week was shakier than Steven Tyler without a backing vocal track.

The Hoser started the season with a putrid 3-13 record against the spread and just seven winners straight up. I even managed to miss all three of my Trifecta picks. In my defense, however, I was using the same statistics service that supplied Paul Ryan with the numbers for his speech at the RNC. With time, several plates of chicken wings and a pint of If I Had A Million Flavours, I've put it behind me.

We've already hit the Packers for a double Thursday-night win,so here are the rest of the picks in quickie style -- busy week! Remember: using these picks to wager actual money is about as smart as

Tampa Bay (+7) at NYG GIANTS (43.5): Giants 29, Buccaneers 17.

Arizona (+13.5) at NEW ENGLAND (48): Patriots 31, Cardinals 16.

Minnesota (-2.5) at INDIANAPOLIS (44.5): Vikings 23, Colts 13.

New Orleans (-2.5) at CAROLINA (52): Saints 29, Panthers 27.

Kansas City (+3.5) at BUFFALO (44.5): Chiefs 20, Bills 17.

Baltimore (+2.5) at PHILADELPHIA (46.5): Ravens 26, Eagles 19.

Oakland (-2.5) at MIAMI (39.5): Raiders 22, Dolphins 17.

Cleveland (+7) at CINCINNATI (39.5): Talk about your "lesser of two evils." Bengals 22, Browns 16.

Houston (-7) at JACKSONVILLE (41): Texans 33, Jaguars 13.

Dallas (-3.5) at SEATTLE (43): Cowboys 24, Seahawks 21.

Washington (-3.5) at ST. LOUIS RAMS (44): Racists 27, Rams 17.

New York Jets (+5) at PITTSBURGH (42): Steelers 26, Jets 20.

Tennessee (+6.5) at SAN DIEGO (43): Chargers 31, Titans 10.

Detroit (+7) at SAN FRANCISCO (46): 49ers 22, Lions 21.

Denver (+3) at ATLANTA (51): Falcons 27, Broncos 23.

Lock of the Week: Baltimore

Trifecta: Baltimore, San Diego, Houston

Week One ATS: 3-13

Week One SU: 7-9

Week One Lock of the Week: 0-1

Week One Trifecta: 0-1

Week One $ Total:$-1,860

The Hoser's NFL PIcks, Week Two, 2012 Season, Thursday Edition

Just a quick hitter tonight for the Thursday Night match-up.

Chicago (+5.5) at GREEN BAY (51): The Packers defense looked shakier than Michael Madsen on the side of the road. Expect Green Bay to get healthy quickly against a lousy Bears offensive line. Packers 29, Bears 20.

The Hoser On The NFL, 2012 Season, Week One

Welcome to Week One of the 2012 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where thanks to the Giants, we're off to a wonderful start.

The format will stay as it has been for the past two seasons – each game is $100 ATS, with a $100 Trifecta and a $300 Lock of the Week for an even $2K per week. When the bye weeks begin, we’ll jump the Lock to $500 to keep the number even. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.

For those of you who are just finding us, the first thing to know is this -- we're not to be taken seriously. We're still tallying our record from last year, but it certainly isn't good enough to use to make actual bets.
All of that leads us to this final sentence, a version of which you’ll see every week: remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as taking Clint Eastwood to a furniture store.
 

Indianapolis (+10) at CHICAGO (43.5): This week Ben Roethlisberger said he would skip a game to be at the birth of his child. Jay Cutler looked at Chicago's offensive line and offered to drive. Bears 23, Colts 16.
Philadelphia (-9.5) at CLEVELAND (43): Forget Vick's ribs -- Michael Cera could get under center and win this one. Eagles 29, Browns 13.
Buffalo (+3) at NEW YORK JETS (39): Tebow notwithstanding, even Jesus has got the dog in this one. Bills 20, Jets 13.
Washington (+7) at NEW ORLEANS (50.5): Roger Goodell's justice -- about as permanent as a Matthew Perry sitcom. Saints 30, Racists 17.
Jacksonville (+3.5) at MINNESOTA (39.5): I'm sure Jaguars fans don't want the team to leave. The questions is -- why not? Vikings 22, Jaguars 16.
Miami (+12) at HOUSTON (42.5): This line keeps getting wider and I keep liking it more and more. Opening-week games are usually not strong ones for offenses, and I think the Dolphins will be better than most think this year. Do it for Ray Finkle! Texans 24, Dolphins 17.New England (-5) at TENNESSEE (47): Patriots 27, Titans 14.
St. Louis Rams (+7) at DETROIT (45): Lions 31, Rams 14.
Atlanta (-3) at KANSAS CITY (43.5): Chiefs 22, Falcons 20.
San Francisco (+5) at GREEN BAY (47): Packers 27, 49ers 23.
Carolina (-2.5) at TAMPA BAY (47): Panthers 24, Buccaneers 20.
Seattle (-2.5) at ARIZONA (40.5): Seahawks 22, Cardinals 17.
Pittsburgh (+2) at DENVER (44.5):  Steelers 22, Broncos 19.
Cincinnati (+6.5) at BALTIMORE (41): Ravens 23, Bengals 16.
San Diego (+2) at OAKLAND (46.5): Raiders 23, Chargers 20.

Lock of the Week: Buffalo

Trifecta: Buffalo, Detroit, Miami

The Hoser's NFL Picks, Week 4, 2012 Season

Welcome to Week Four of The Hoser's 2012 NFL picks, where I'd be cursing San Diego this week if the people of San Diego weren't already cursed with Norv Turner.

 

The Chargers' complete collapse against Atlanta cost me both my Lock of the Week and the Trifecta, although Buffalo didn't help. I don't know if the Bills were more resilient than I gave them credit for, or maybe Cleveland is just slouching away from complete suckiness a bit more slowly than I anticipated (they were decent against the Ravens on Thursday).

This week I've already hit the Browns covering against said Ravens, although I'd like to know to whom Brandon Wheeden was throwing that final pass. Maybe one of the Cleveland receivers was up in the stands getting a beer.

As always, remember -- using these picks to wager actual money is about as advisable as KFC not bringing those bacon-and-mashed-potato fritters they're selling in Japan to the States. Honey Boo-Boo's family's already down for a dumptruck full.
 

New York Giants (+2.5) at PHILADELPHIA (47): I guess Vegas is expecting the Eagles to bounce back. I expect them to suck. Giants 26, Eagles 16.

Washington (+2.5) at TAMPA BAY (47.5): Much is being made of the Buccaneers' run defense stopping RGIII, but the good news is Mike Shanahan has at least 39 other running backs he can cycle in. Racists 26, Buccaneers 22.

New Orleans (+7.5) at GREEN BAY (52.5): I think local papers missed a great nickname for Mark Chumura when that scandal broke -- "The Lambeau Creep." Packers 30, Saints 20.

Cincinnati (-2.5) at JACKSONVILLE (43.5): The Bengals' terrible defense may have met its match in the Jaguars' terrible offense. Avoid at all costs. Bengals 22, Jags 21.

Oakland (+7) at DENVER (48.5): Wide receiver Darius Heyward-Bey says he doesn't remember the huge hit he took last week. Raider fans wish they could say the same about the last nine years or so. Broncos 23, Raiders 20.

Miami (+5) at ARIZONA (39): It's nice to be able to say I'm a Cardinals fan and not have to explain it for a change. Cardinals 23, Dolphins 16.

Seattle (-3) at ST. LOUIS RAMS (39.5): People need to back off Golden Tate. That move he used last week is the same way I clear out lingerers in front of the chocolate fountain at Golden Corral. Seahawks 23, Rams 14.

Tennessee (+12) at HOUSTON (44.5): Do the Texans deserve to get almost two TDs against a division rival? Yes, yes they do. Texans 34, Titans 17.

San Diego (-1.5) at KANSAS CITY (44): The Chiefs are getting scored on more than Jim Gaffigan's wife. Actually, given Jeannie Gaffigan's Twitter account, I think it might be the other way around. Congrats to both of them on No. 5 -- the Pope is proud! Chargers 29, Chiefs 22.

San Francisco (-3.5) at NEW YORK JETS (41.5): Hey, how much fun do you think practice was in San Francisco this week? 49ers 24, Jets 17.

Carolina (+7) at ATLANTA (48.5): He's playing great, but "Matty Ice" is about the stupidest nickname ever. Who wants to be linked to a shitty beer forever? Falcons 31, Panthers 16.

Minnesota (+4) at DETROIT (47.5): I like the Lions' chances with Glass Joe on the bench. Lions 26, Vikings 20.

New England (-3.5) at BUFFALO (50.5): I'm hoping Bill Belichick forgets and grabs Ed Hochuli this week. It'd be tough to coach with your head jammed up your ass. Patriots 27, Bills 19.

Chicago (+3.5) at DALLAS (41.5): One of my game predictors has this dead even. So it comes down to this -- where was Ditka more of a badass? Sure, he was Da Coach, but have you ever seen game footage of Ditka playing tight end for the Cowboys? Advantage: Dallas. Cowboys 20, Bears 17.

 

Lock of the Week: New York Giants

Trifecta: NewYork Giants, Atlanta, Arizona

Week Three ATS: 6-10

Week Three SU: 6-10

Week Three Lock of the Week: 0-1 

Week Three Trifecta: 0-1

Week Three $ Total: -$700

 

2012 Season ATS: 17-29-2

2012 Season SU: 21-27

2012 Season Lock of the Week: 1-2

2012 Season Trifecta: 1-2

2012 Season $ Total: -$1,420

2012 Season ProLine Totals: -$35

The Hoser's NFL Playoff Picks, Super Bowl XLVI

Well, here we are at the end of another season of The Hoser. I have been pretty slack this year, but with the growth of the business and my freelance work, I have had little time to expound upon the vagaries of the NFL.

In the near future, I will double back and update the totals for this season, which may have been my best ever in terms of money won and percentages. Or I could be totally delusional about that. I do know I actually won money playing ProLine this season, although it would barely be enough to buy one of those new huge coffees at Tim Horton's. Seriously, 24 ounces? You people must have bladders like kiddie pools.

I'm also not sure if I'll continue next season or not. I enjoy writing The Hoser, but not when I have to rush through it on Saturday night or Sunday morning. It doesn't do you as the reader (or God forbid the bettor) any good to get my hunches two hours before kickoff either. I'll make the decision over the summer.

Before the pick -- what the hell is wrong with Bill Belichick? He cuts Tiquan Underwood TWENTY-FOUR HOURS before the Super Bowl. He cut a guy with the Patriots logo shaved in his hair. He cut a guy and that probably means Chad Ochocinco will get more playing time.

I get the whole "Gronk plays the wedge on special teams" stuff. The move makes sense, and maybe Belichick had to make it. But yesterday? Waiting that long when the decision could have come earlier in the week makes him look like a douche, and if I was a middling free agent, I'd think long and hard if I really wanted to play for an organization that would do this. Yes, they're successful. So was Pol Pot.

Were they really that concerned that Underwood could be claimed by the Giants? That guy who Kid N' Play'd his hair with your logo is going to run to Tom Coughlin and spill the beans? He wouldn't have -- unless you handled it like this.

Anyway, the pick:

New York Giants (+2.5) at NEW ENGLAND (53.5): This could be the best Super Bowl in history. Two teams with powerful offenses and passable-to-terrible defenses will put up a lot of points.

It's tough to think momentum could play a factor here after a two-week layoff, but it's what's making us take the Giants and the points. Coughlin has had his team firing on all cylinders for the last six or so weeks, and it's not going to stop facing the Patriot defense.

In addition, the only standout feature defensively for either team is New York's front four, who could again leave Tom Brady shaking in his Uggs. That pressure will keep New England at least partially in check, while the Patriots have nothing of the sort on their D.

After this loss, Belichick will be 3-4 in Super Bowls. And Tiquan Underwood will be 0-0.

Giants 30, Patriots 24.

The Hoser's NFL Playoff Picks, 2011 Week 3

Taking wife to the hospital this morning, so no detail. 3-1 last week and hit the Lock of the Week for a second playoff week in a row.

Baltimore (+7) at NEW ENGLAND (50.5): Patriots 24, Ravens 16.
New York Giants (+2) at SAN FRANCISCO (41.5): Giants 21, 49ers 16.

The Hoser's NFL Playoff Picks, Week 2 2011

Autograph signing in the store today, so just the picks! 3-1 last week, including the Lock!

New Orleans (-3.5) at SAN FRANCISCO (47:) Not yet, 49ers, not yet. Saints 26, 49ers 16.

Denver (+13.5) at NEW ENGLAND (50.5): Tim'll be getting down on one knee again, but this week he won't be getting up. Patriots 30, Broncos 13.

Houston (+7.5) at BALTIMORE (36): Something about us still doesn't trust the Ravens to play that well in the playoffs, but home-field advantage and the first trip for the Texans allows them to sneak through. Ravens 20, Texans 19.

New York Giants (+7.5) at GREEN BAY (53): Maybe for fun the Packers will freak out the Giants and play Matt Flynn on the first series. Not that it will make any difference. Packers 30, Giants 23.

Lock of the Week: New England

The Hoser's NFL Playoff Picks, Week 1 2011

Welcome to The Hoser's NFL Playoff Picks, 2011 Week 1, where we hope Andy Dalton can stop pooping long enough to lose in Houston.

Cincinnati (+4) at HOUSTON (38): Given how Ray Rice dissected the Bengal defense last week, T.J. Yates will have a chart strapped to his wrist that says simply, "There's a sniper on the roof. Throw and we shoot you." Texans 22, Bengals 16.

Detroit (+10.5) at NEW ORLEANS (59): The Saints will be playing without Lance Moore. It won't be enough to help the Lions win, but it will keep the score down a bit. There's also the chance Ndamukong Suh goes nuts, stomps a couple hookers and misses the game. Not like, but it IS New Orleans. Saints 34, Lions 26.

Atlanta (+3) at NEW YORK GIANTS (47.5): It seems strange to pick a team that was actually outscored during the regular season to win a playoff game, but the Giants have to come together at the right time, while the Falcons are just not that great on the road. Force Matt Ryan to throw and you win the game. Giants 24, Falcons 17.

Pittsburgh (-8) at DENVER (33.5): We only have this as a cover for Denver because we figure Pittsburgh will be far enough ahead they'll revert to nothing but running and not scoring, or as it's also known, the Denver offensive gameplan. Steelers 21, Broncos 16.

Lock of the Week: Houston

The Hoser's NFL Picks, 2011 Week 17

Welcome to the final regular-season week of The Hoser, where it's always tough to tell who'll lay back and who'll decide they want to hammer their opposition, resting players be damned. We'll err on the side of caution where possible or tell you to avoid those games completely.

In case you missed it, a guy in Ontario hit all 15 games in Week 15 to win nearly $850,000 on a Pro-Line pool ticket. He picked Indy AND Kansas City and apparently played a straight $5 game with no boxes. This either makes him a genius or insane.

 

See you in the playoffs!

 

Washington (+8) at PHILADELPHIA (45.5): The Eagles have nothing to play for, but hell, they've been playing like that all year. They might be trying to save Andy Reid's job, though. Eagles 27, Racists 16.

Tampa Bay (+10) at ATLANTA (45.5): Raheem Morris will go down with the ship in the next couple of days. Falcons 31, Buccaneers 13.

San Francisco (-10.5) at ST. LOUIS RAMS (35.5): This shouldn't be much of a challenge. Steve Spagnuolo's bags should be packed by halftime. 49ers 23, Rams 10.

Chicago (+2) at MINNESOTA (41): With all the injuries, you really have to feel for the Bears. You do -- I don't. Vikings 20, Bears 17.

Detroit (-6) at GREEN BAY (41.5): Aaron Rodgers should sit down after a quarter in this one, but who knows? Stay far, far away. Lions 22, Packers 20.

Dallas (+3) at NY GIANTS (47.5): You just HAVE to figure Tony Romo will find some way to blow this. Giants 24, Cowboys 23.

Carolina (+7.5) at NEW ORLEANS (55): The Saints need a win to have a shot at the No. 2 seed, but you can't count out Cam Newton. The Panthers will keep it close. Saints 30, Panthers 24.

Tennessee (-1) at HOUSTON (39): Simply the Titans having a shot and the Texans being in. Titans 23, Texans 20.

Baltimore (-2) at CINCINNATI (38): The Ravens have a stake in this game, which means the Bengals will be sitting at home after this week. Or in jail. Whichever. Ravens 20, Bengals 13.

Pittsburgh (-7) at CLEVELAND (32): Handsy Ben won't play much, but neither will the Browns. Steelers 20, Browns 14.

Indianapolis (+3) at JACKSONVILLE (37): (insert changing channel motion here) Jaguars 21, Colts 16.

New York Jets (+3) at MIAMI (39): The Jets are more of a mess than Rex Ryan's intestinal track. Dolphins 21, Jets 17.

Buffalo (+10.5) at NEW ENGLAND (49.5): The guy signing the contract extensions in Buffalo must be the guy who used to hand out the derivatives on Wall Street. Patriots 33, Bills 17.

San Diego (+3) at OAKLAND (48.5): We'll all hoping for a black-and-silver win in this one just in hopes it will finally drive Norv Turner out of San Diego. Christ, it's like you have to put a stake through his heart or something. Raiders 26, Chargers 20.

Kansas City (+3) at DENVER (37½): Tebow plays well in the game and John Elway curls into the fetal position and cries all night. Broncos 19, Chiefs 13.

Seattle (+3) at ARIZONA (40.5): Kinda anticlimactic after last year, ain't it? Seahawks 20, Cardinals 16.

Lock of the Week: Denver

Trifecta: Denver, Oakland, New England